Hello, My Littlefinders!
I hope you are staying safe whether you are working from home or considered an essential employee and having to go on location. These are hard times full of uncertainty, and thinking of things going back to “normal” seems foreign.
My post today is for all my brides and grooms who either had to postpone their wedding or are having to contemplate that option.
If you take away anything from this post, please let it be this. YOUR FEELINGS ARE COMPLETELY VALID. Whether you tear up about it every day or have entirely come to terms with the decision, do not judge yourself or let anyone else do so. Here is our story and how we have dealt with postponing our wedding. I hope it helps you navigate through these hard times.
BEFORE THE “WEDDING”:
Mauricio and I have been dating for almost TWELVE YEARS! We got engaged in June of 2018 with a wedding date set for 3/21/2020. A big church ceremony followed by a Two hundred people reception. After losing our venue 40 days before the wedding, we were blessed with finding another beautiful place 30 days before. It was stressful. I had to start over with decorations, vendors, etc. Not only was it more expensive but also overwhelming. We made it work, and in a blink of an eye, our wedding was a week away. My family came from Mexico, and I skipped going to Disneyworld with them (on the last day before they decided to close due to COVID-19) to finish the seating chart. I avoided watching the news as people kept texting me about it. More and more people started to cancel. I kept adjusting the seating chart and spent all day working on it. I got an alert from the CDC that gatherings no more than fifty people were recommended. More text from people apologizing for canceling kept coming my way. I adjusted the seating chart once again with tears rolling down my face knowing in my heart the wedding was not going to happen. People close to me asked me if I had considered postponing. I got mad at them. ” I am not postponing, and I will get married even if we end up doing it in the backyard” I know they only meant well.
The night of the 3/14 arrived, and my mom called me. Once again I told her I would not postpone the wedding, I had her on speaker, and when I hung up, my fiancé looked at me and said to me, “I think we should postpone”. My heart broke even though I knew it was the right thing to do. We had many people traveling. Our grandmothers are ninety and ninety-nine. We knew we could not put anyone at risk, and at the end of the day, a backyard wedding is not what I want. I was never the little girl dreaming of her wedding day since she was five, but I did know I wanted a religious ceremony at a church with all my friends and family there. People will tell you all that matters is you and your future husband, but for me sharing this moment with everyone close to me (yes, all 200 of them) was important. However, If you decide you want to put your dress on, have a wedding in your living room, and invite everyone via zoom, go for it! It has to be what feels right for you!
AFTER THE “WEDDING”
Our wedding date arrived, knowing we were not having a wedding. We communicated the news via text, Facebook, and a chain of communication. I had rented a home where we would have our rehearsal dinner and get ready. We ended up keeping it. Looking back now, that day was a blur. I hid all the emotions deep down, trying not to think about what I would be doing at that time had the wedding happen. I would go into our bedroom and cry for two minutes away from my family and my fiancé. No one acknowledged the day or made any comments about it, which was weird. We all just pretended it was a regular day. I was dying inside. The worst part is I felt guilty for feeling sad. I kept thinking about all the misfortunes going on in the world, and here I was crying about a wedding. DON’T. You can be both empathetic towards the world and feel sad about what’s going on in yours, whether it seems superficial or not.
I felt petty from my friends and family, which made me feel embarrassed. I had taken the week off work. We came back home, and I worked with all the vendors and picked a new date in October. Thankfully everyone worked with us and just transferred the services to that date. The tears come on and off. As I write this post, a few tears are rolling down my face. That is OK! Whichever way you are handling your situation , throw all the judgment out the window. You will know in your heart what the right thing to do is. And as hard as it was, once we made the decision, I felt an absolute peace vs. the agony of not knowing. I still had some control since this was before the mandatory shutdowns. If your wedding is coming up and you are trying to make that decision know that whatever you choose to do is the right thing for you.
HOW I FEEL NOW
It has been a month since we had to postpone, we have a new date picked out, but that’s all. I am not excited about it nor doing anything wedding related. That does not mean I am not happy to marry Mauricio, but we have been together for a long time. We live together, and our relationship is excellent. I want a wedding ceremony, and I want my marriage to be blessed, but I am just not letting myself go there. I know this might seem pessimistic. With so much going on in the world right now, It’s hard to be excited about a party. I am hoping for the best and enjoying every day as much as possible. I’m Focusing on letting everyone in my life know I love them, calling friends, family, working, and having lots of virtual happy hours. Maybe as the date approaches, the wedding magic will come back, but for now, it is something I cannot picture or think about. I will repeat it, that’s OK. I sometimes wonder if we should have just gone to the courthouse and gotten it done. But who wants to think of their wedding as “just getting it done.” If you are going through this now, know it will get better, and you will get your magical day; however, that looks. Just like I hope I do. I know the universe has guided me on the right path, and it will do the same for you.
Until Next Time Littlefinders